


That's Why Fireflies Flash

by adiwriting



Category: Glee
Genre: Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Implied rape no graphic descriptions of it, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-06-02
Packaged: 2017-12-13 18:03:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/827217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adiwriting/pseuds/adiwriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt couldn’t even begin to understand what had actually happened between Eli and Blaine. With nobody around to talk to, Blaine ends up looking for help in all the wrong places.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's Why Fireflies Flash

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Blangst Holiday Mini!bang. Title comes from Ron Pope's Fireflies

_All I know is that beautiful things never last, that’s why fireflies flash._

_-Ron Pope, Fireflies_

It all started when Blaine was in the makeup aisle at the grocery store trying to find a concealer that would be heavy enough to cover it up but light enough that it wouldn’t be obvious he was wearing makeup, yet nothing he tried seemed to match his skin tone. He hadn’t gone to the grocery store by his house for fear of running into one of his neighbors. The last thing he needed was for somebody to call his parents. He had been so focused on keeping _his_ parents from finding out he had a black-eye that he hadn’t even considered the possibility of running into Kurt’s parents. 

Carole had taken one look at him and that was all it took for her to find out that his boyfriend? Friend? Tormentor? Blaine wasn’t sure who he was to him exactly, but Carole had found out that he’d hit him. Well, it wasn’t the black-eye’s fault per say. It was Blaine’s inability to lie convincingly when caught off guard. Jason was going to be so angry. 

However that was getting ahead of the story really. It actually all started after Kurt came to watch Grease and all but told Blaine they would never get back together without even hearing him out first. That was the night Blaine decided he would skip the cast party and drink his problems away at Scandals. That was the night Blaine had met Jason, hot, twenty-seven, a wealthy doctor and attracted to Blaine enough to keep him supplied with a full drink the entire night. When the night was over, Jason drove Blaine home and handed him his phone number. He didn’t pressure him to do anything even though he’d bought Blaine his drinks. He didn’t even try and kiss him, he just wanted to make sure Blaine got home alright and nobody took advantage of him. He was sweet… until he wasn’t. 

They never officially started dating. Blaine was still in high school after all. They did start hooking up though. Eventually, Jason’s touches stopped being comforting and caring and started being possessive and harsh. Blaine liked to blame the addition to _50 Shades of Grey_ to his nightstand, but he was pretty sure the signs had always been there. He’d just been too lonely to notice them. 

The first time Jason hit him, he’d almost told Sam. Before he could find the right words to ask for help, Finn had interrupted them and told them to get back to work with some dig at Blaine. That was all it took for Blaine to remember the reason he was with Jason instead of Kurt. He’d ruined his loving boyfriend. He’d taken his trust and thrown it away by driving over to that asshole’s house. He practically _asked_ Eli to sleep him. He didn’t deserve any better than what he had. Jason was exactly the kind of boyfriend he should be with.

Besides, it wasn’t that Jason didn’t care about him. He did. He wanted to see Blaine happy. Just, sometimes Blaine wasn’t a good boy when they were playing “Sir” and he had to be punished. 

He supposed that wasn’t even the beginning of the story. The story actually started the night Eli invited him over and told him that he didn’t get to say no after he’d pretty much said yes by coming over… 

Wherever the story started, it had led to Blaine cowering behind Burt as they stood in Kurt’s loft. 

“Why would you bring him here without even telling me? And don’t tell me you’re on his side in this,” Kurt yelled at Burt, betrayed but also furious. 

Blaine held his bag close to his chest and kept his head down. He’d been doing that a lot lately, keeping his head down. He’d never liked people yelling before, but now it was worse. Now he just kept having flashes to bats hitting pavement his freshman year. He kept seeing Eli holding him down. He could feel the phantom pain of Jason’s fist to his face. 

He knew Kurt wouldn’t really hit him, but he’d also said the same thing about Jason at one point. People change. 

“Just calm down,” Burt said, his voice raised enough to be heard over Kurt’s ranting.

“Calm down?” Kurt continued to yell. “I think I’m perfectly within my rights to be upset that you would bring him to my home after everything he’s done to me. You’re supposed to be _my_ father, how could you forgive him after what he did?”

“I told you I didn’t want to come,” Blaine whispered intending for only Burt to hear him, but Kurt had caught his words. 

“Then go, nobody is going to ask you to stay,” Kurt said, bitingly. 

Blaine tried not to be too stung by Kurt’s words. He knew that he deserved them all. Kurt had every reason to be angry with him and never want to see him again. Blaine _deserved_ this, that’s what he’d _told_ Burt and Carole but neither of them would listen to him. No, they had ignored his insistence that nobody else needed to find out and had called his parents. Now all of his family was booking tickets home to check on him when he was _fine_. Cooper had quit the TV acting job he’d taken in Japan because they wouldn’t give him time off. His mother had called off her book tour in Europe. Even his father was flying home from a business conference in Hong Kong to see him. 

All because Blaine had made a silly mistake and Jason had been rightfully upset. 

“I’m just going to go,” Blaine said, inching towards the door. 

“Like hell you are,” Burt said, shaking his head and pointing towards the bathroom. “Go get yourself cleaned up. I’m going to talk to Kurt and afterwards we’ll all get something to eat.” 

“I shouldn’t be here,” Blaine said, pulling on the door to get it to open. He still had the credit card his parents had left him for emergencies in his wallet. He would just buy a plane ticket back to Ohio and forget any of this had happened. 

“Blaine Devon Anderson!” Burt called in a voice that made Blaine freeze with fear. “Close the door. Your parents put me in charge of you until they could get home. You aren’t going anywhere. Not after last night.” 

Okay, so maybe this was about more than just the black eye, Blaine admitted to himself. He hadn’t meant for any of them to find out, it was just… Carole was so convincing. She could get Kim Jong Il to spill his darkest secrets with her Veritaserum laced brownies. So this was about more than buying make up to cover up a single black eye. This was about underage drinking and meeting an older man at a club. This was about that big “R” word everyone kept throwing around as they tried to get Eli’s last name out of him. This was about a track mark they’d found on his arm which nobody believed was from an IV Jason had given him when he’d had the flu last week even though it _was_.

Most importantly, this was about Blaine destroying Burt’s trust when he’d responded to Jason’s text message asking him where he was even though Blaine had insisted it would have been worse if he ignored it. That was the _real_ reason Blaine had his phone confiscated and had been dragged out of town with his ex-boyfriend’s father. Blaine had given Jason the Hummel-Hudson’s address and he’d shown up drunk and broken their window before the cops could be called. 

Blaine sighed and shut the door. Burt pointed towards the bathroom with a look that left no room for argument. Blaine nodded and kept his eyes to floor as he walked passed Kurt and shut the bathroom door behind him. He put his ear up against the door and strained to hear what Burt was telling Kurt, but he couldn’t make out anything. Burt had to know that he’d be listening in and was whispering. 

Well fuck. How was Blaine supposed to come up with an excuse to tell Kurt if he didn’t even know how much Burt was telling him? He itched to leave, he felt trapped here. More than that, he felt terrified. Jason was livid that he hadn’t left with him last night. He’d never seen him so enraged. He’d been arrested and Carole had told them he’d been found with heroin on him. Jason was going to be in serious legal trouble and it was all Blaine’s fault. Jason was going to post bail and when he did, Blaine would be in for it. 

He couldn’t hide in New York forever. This sanctuary Burt was trying to give him by bringing him here, was like dangling yarn in front of a cat only to yank it away the second it decided to swat at it. 

Blaine pushed away from the door and decided to take Burt’s advice and clean up. He hadn’t showered since yesterday morning at Jason’s place. Carole had found him at the grocery store that morning and taken him home. Between all the questions, Jason showing up, and Carole staying up with him all night while he cried on the phone to his mom, he just hadn’t had the time. 

As he striped out of his clothes and climbed into the shower, he wondered how he had even gotten to this place in his life. Only three months ago he’d been happy and healthy. How had so much changed so fast? How had Blaine let Carole find out? How had he gotten in so deep with Jason? Shit, he still didn’t even understand how he’d ended up at Eli’s house that day or why he’d even bothered confessing to Kurt with all the good that did him. 

Things had been so happy at the beginning of the school year, but now it was Christmas and Blaine was falling apart. 

He didn’t know how long he stayed under the water, letting the warm water soothe his sore muscles and painful bruising. Eventually there was a soft knock on the door. When Blaine didn’t respond, the door opened. 

“Blaine?” Kurt asked, tentatively. His voice was shaking in the way Blaine had come to know meant he’d been crying. 

“Yeah?” he responded, poking his head out from behind the shower curtain. 

He heard Kurt gasp before he realized his mistake. The shower had washed away the concealer that Carole had helped him apply this morning before leaving the house. Blaine had almost forgotten about it because Burt had already seen the bruise and gotten over the shock. He didn’t think about the fact that Kurt had yet to see him without the makeup. 

“I just… I thought you’d like a clean towel,” Kurt said quickly, putting a neatly folded towel on top of the toilet before turning on his heel and rushing out of the room. 

Blaine ducked his head and tried not to cry as he thought about what Kurt must think of him now. He’d let somebody bruise and batter him after all his talk of courage and years of boxing lessons so he’d always be able to fight back. He’d let Jason do this to him. He’d let Eli touch him. What did that say about Blaine? Kurt was going to think he was a whore. 

Rightfully so, he told himself. 

When the water started running cold, Blaine shut it off and quickly dried himself off and dressed in a pair of Kurt’s jeans that he hadn’t taken to New York with him and a Hummel Tires & Lube sweatshirt. He hadn’t been allowed to go back home for a change of clothes before they’d had to board the plane. Carole had assured him that wearing Kurt’s clothes would be fine. Blaine just hoped she was right. They’d shared clothes before, but that was back when they were dating. 

He did his best to cover up the bruise, though his work wasn’t nearly as flawless as Carole’s had been. Once he was sure he didn’t look too terrible, he opened the door and stood in the archway awkwardly, not really sure where to go from there. Burt was sitting on the couch, his phone to his ear, talking about flight times. Blaine knew that he must have been talking to somebody in his family. He cringed. Burt and his family had been going back and forth for the past two days, talking about police, lawyers and therapists.

Kurt appeared in front of him with a cup of coffee before Blaine could get too lost in his own thoughts. 

“If you still wanted to explain everything to me, I think I’m ready to listen this time,” Kurt said with a guilty look on his face. 

“Don’t do that,” Blaine said, shaking his head. He took the mug from him and stared at his feet, unable to meet Kurt’s eyes. “This wasn’t your fault. Despite everything that happened, you still have every right to be mad at me for cheating on you. Don’t forgive me just because you feel sorry for me.” 

“I’m not saying I magically forgive you,” he explained, his voice cracking with emotion. “I’m still furious with you. Now for more reasons than before… but as much as I try and not care about you, I do. You’re my best friend. For the last two years you’ve been everything to me and even if you’ve taken my heart and ripped it apart, I can’t just toss a friend aside like that. Not when they need me. So I’m saying I’ll listen.” 

“What did your dad tell you?” Blaine asked. 

“Something I shouldn’t have to hear from my dad,” he said with a bittersweet smile. 

He led Blaine into the curtained off area that served as his bedroom. They both settled down on the bed, giving them some privacy. Not that Burt hadn’t already heard the entire story in grave detail as Blaine revealed fact after horrifying fact. 

Still… it was easier like this. Blaine could pretend Kurt didn’t already know. Here, he could pretend it was all some distant nightmare that he didn’t have to worry about anymore. He could pretend they were still them and nothing had changed. Here he could spill his heart out, he could cry without feeling guilty. He didn’t need to worry that Kurt would think he was dirty and used. Here he could pretend that his entire world hadn’t ended the second he’d contacted Eli. 

“I don’t even know where to start,” Blaine said, pulling at the hem of his sweatshirt nervously. 

“Why don’t you just start with the beginning?” Kurt said, putting a comforting hand on his arm. 

Blaine nodded and braced himself to tell the whole story. Kurt deserved to know this, more than anybody else, Kurt needed to know. More importantly, Blaine needed to _tell_ him. Blaine didn’t expect him to forgive him for his sins after this, that wasn’t the goal. He’d just needed to talk about what happened with somebody for so long and like Kurt had said, they were best friends. If he couldn’t talk to Kurt about this, who could he talk to? 

“Eli was my date to the Sadie Hawkins dance,” Blaine explained with a shaky breath. 

He could see Kurt biting his lip and ducking his head, but he didn’t interrupt. He was going to listen to every word Blaine said. He was going to give him the time to speak because he hadn’t before. Blaine’s heart ached to think that Kurt still might think he had caused this. It was Blaine’s fault for telling him that he’d cheated on him because he hadn’t been there for him. He’d said it out of anger, but obviously Kurt had taken that to heart. Nothing but Blaine’s actions had led them here.

“Eli was my date to the Sadie Hawkins dance,” Blaine repeated, forcing himself to get back to the task at hand. Telling Kurt the whole story. “He was a junior, but he was the only other gay kid at school. I asked him to the dance and he said yes. Afterward, he moved a few towns over. I went to Dalton. Sometimes we’d still hang out or talk on the phone though… If I was having a rough day or he had been woken by another nightmare, we’d talk. We were affectionate with each other, but I didn’t think it was anything more than friendship and a bond over surviving something horrible together. I didn’t realize he still liked me.”

Blaine hung his head and tried not to feel too stupid over how completely obvious it had been that Eli had wanted him. 

“I was lonely after you left and I just needed somebody to talk to. I wasn’t looking to hook up with him, but I led him on. I didn’t mean for him to get the wrong idea, but he did and that’s my fault. I shouldn’t have been so oblivious to his feelings. He invited me over to his dorm room at OSU and I went. I figured we would watch a movie together and then I’d sleep on the floor like always and that would be it. I didn’t realize he had invited me over for _that_.”

Blaine’s voice caught as he tried to say the word aloud, sex. It just brought back the horrible memory all over again. It reminded him that he had shared something sacred, something meant only for Kurt, with somebody else. 

“Blaine, if he forced you, that’s not your fault,” Kurt said, pulling him into a hug as Blaine started crying. 

“He kissed me, I pushed him off, but I didn’t leave,” Blaine said. “That _is_ my fault. I didn’t tell your dad this, but I didn’t leave after he kissed me. I told him I had a boyfriend and he said he _understood_. I thought it was a misunderstanding so I stayed. I could have left and I didn’t. I was so stupid. Another boy kissed me and I just stayed there with him. I should have left and called you right away.” 

“Yes,” Kurt said, not denying what Blaine said was true. “But just because you didn’t leave didn’t mean you _wanted_ him to do anything. It just means you’re too trusting and he’s a pig that can’t find a willing partner.” 

“I just felt so dirty afterwards, like I couldn’t get clean. That’s why I came to New York. I felt like I was dying and I just needed to see you and know that there was still somebody that I could trust. When I got there though, I just kept thinking about how I had been with somebody else and how unfair that was to you, so I told you that I cheated on you.” 

“I wouldn’t exactly call it ch—” Kurt started to say but Blaine cut him off. He couldn’t listen to Kurt try and justify his behavior. 

“I went over to another man’s house after he propositioned me,” Blaine said angrily. “Do you need to see the messages? He was clearly asking for sex and I agreed to come over. Just because I was too much of an idiot to understand that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.” 

“Okay,” Kurt said holding his hands up in surrender. “So you cheated on me and we broke up. That doesn’t explain how you ended up with a black eye.” 

“I guess I was having trouble with everything. You wouldn’t answer my calls and Eli wouldn’t leave me alone. He would send me friendly messages like nothing had happened and I guess to him, nothing had. I was a willing participant as far as he was concerned… I guess that part doesn’t matter though. I met Jason the night you came to see Grease. He was really nice to me. He listened to me when I needed to talk. He knew about you and he knew about Eli. He helped me get Eli blocked so he couldn’t talk to me anymore. He was a good friend and eventually we started hooking up. 

“Then one day he wanted to play a game. I was dumb and didn’t know better. I should have found out more before I said yes,” he explained. He could still hear Jason asking him seductively to call him ‘sir’ as he handcuffed his arms to the headboard.

“Blaine…”

“He was always so nice to me before,” he said, pulling away from Kurt’s arms to wipe the tears away. He didn’t deserve to cry over this. He made the bad decisions that led them here. He was the one that was too easily manipulated. He didn’t get to cry. 

“I guess I’ve always had that problem, focusing so hard on making people accept me that never see the bad in people. I trusted Sebastian, I trusted Eli, I trusted Jason,” Blaine stopped himself before he could say that he’d also trusted Kurt. It wouldn’t be fair of him to say. He’d given Kurt every reason to turn his back on him, he didn’t get to say that Kurt had abandoned him. 

“I didn’t think he’d _really_ hurt me,” Blaine continued. “It was just a game. He was older, I figured he knew what he was doing, but he didn’t.” 

“You should have told somebody. You shouldn’t have just let somebody hurt you like that,” Kurt said, upset. 

“Your dad already gave me the ‘you matter’ speech on the plane,” he said. 

“Well you do,” Kurt said, shaking his head as his anger started to grow. “Out of everything, that’s the thing that pisses me off the most about this. You just let him treat you like this. You never once tried to ask for help. Shit, Blaine, you called him to come and get you from my parents’ house. You want to go back to him, don’t you?” 

“You don’t understand,” Blaine shook his head adamantly. It wasn’t that he wanted to go back, it’s that he was scared not to.  

“No, I really don’t,” Kurt said and Blaine could see him building up a rant that nothing would be able to stop. “God, I know you don’t always believe it, but there are so many people that care about you. Your parents are gone a lot, but they would move the moon for you. They would have helped you. Cooper is self-centered but even he would have quit signing autographs long enough to help. My parents _did_ try and help you and you chose to go back to him instead of stay with them. No matter how upset I was with you, you should have known I would listen. If you would’ve just let me know that this was going on, I could have helped you. You could have tried harder to make me listen, but you didn’t. You _let_ this happen. How could you?” 

Blaine just shook his head, he didn’t have a good excuse. 

“That man took advantage of you because you were young and too stupid to call the police. Do you want to know what the most infuriating part of all this is? It’s that I’m not even going to be allowed to be angry at you over this because you were raped and that would make me a complete asshole if I was mad at you for getting raped.”

“Please don’t say that word. Everyone keeps saying that word,” Blaine said quietly, not sure how to respond to anything else Kurt had said. That he could respond to though, that word. Rape. Everyone kept saying it and each time he heard it,it pulled him apart that much more.  

“Because that’s what happened!” Kurt yelled.

“Kurt!” Burt came into the room, giving him a harsh look until he held his head in shame. 

Blaine thought back on what Kurt said and felt guilty. Kurt was right; nobody was going to let him be mad at him. Everyone was going to guilt Kurt into forgiving Blaine and that wasn’t fair. He wasn’t faultless just because some bad things had happened to him. 

“No,” Blaine stood up and met Burt’s questioning gaze. “He’s allowed to be upset. This isn’t me brushing off what happened like it was my fault either. I made a lot of mistakes that destroyed our relationship.” 

“You didn’t ask for—” Burt started to explain to him like he’d been doing ever since he found out yesterday but Blaine cut him off. 

“I know I didn’t ask for it,” Blaine snapped. “I remember saying no to Eli, you don’t need to remind me of that, I’ve got it, thanks. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t lead Kurt to believe I had. I could have rephrased my confession in a way that wouldn’t sound like I wanted it to happen. Then to top it all off, I blamed Kurt for it. He’s allowed to be angry at me.” 

“Listen, we’re all a little on edge right now, why don’t we go get something to eat and cool off for a bit?” Burt suggested looking at each boy, like he was unsure which one was going to snap next. 

“No,” Blaine said. “Kurt’s been angry at me for months and if he’s got something to say, I want him to be able to say it.” 

“Okay,” Burt said and threw his arms up in surrender before heading back out to the main area. 

“Well?” Blaine prompted when Kurt didn’t speak up again. 

“I don’t really have anything else to say,” Kurt shrugged. 

Blaine watched Kurt for a minute, before realizing he didn’t have anything else to say either. They understood each other and knew where the other stood, it didn’t fix things magically, but it also wasn’t going to damn them to hell anymore. 

“I guess we should let your dad go get us dinner then,” Blaine said. 

He was walking out of Kurt’s makeshift room when Kurt caught him around the wrist. Blaine instantly flinched away from the touch before realizing what he’d done. He looked at Kurt, horrified that he’d just shied away from him like Kurt would somehow hurt him. Kurt looked ashamed as well, knowing everything that Blaine had been through he knew exactly why he had flinched. 

“I didn’t mean to—” they both apologized at the same time, before realizing the other was talking and growing silent. 

“You just caught me by surprise, people don’t usually do that anymore unless… well, I’m sorry,” Blaine explained. “You’re allowed to touch me, it’ll go away.” 

“It’s not that I don’t _want_ to touch you,” Kurt said before blushing. “God that came out wrong. I don’t know how to say this without sounding presumptuous.” 

“Then just say it,” Blaine said gently. “It’s me, I’ll never judge you.” 

“You’re going to have a lot to deal with in the next few weeks and your parents want to put you into therapy to help you. I still need some time to take all this in and come to a place where I’m not so angry at all of this. I just… I’m not saying it can happen tomorrow, but I don’t want you to think that _we’re_ off the table.”

“Are you saying that you still want to be with me?” Blaine asked, feeling a flicker of hope that he hadn’t felt in months. He never thought this was even in the realm of possibilities for them. 

“I’m saying that when I look into my future, I still see you,” he confessed with watery eyes. “Just because we can’t be together right now, doesn’t mean I want to be with anyone else.” 

“I never stopped loving you, I never will,” Blaine confessed with a shaky smile. 

“Me neither,” Kurt whispered, pulling him in for a tight hug. 

Kurt kissed the top of his head as he rubbed circles into his sore back. It felt good to finally be surrounded by comforting arms instead of controlling ones. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be held like this. 

“Let’s just focus on learning how to be good friends for now,” Kurt said. “I think we lost that somewhere along the way. Then when we’re both ready, we can talk about getting back to us again.” 

To Blaine, it was the best news he’d ever heard. 

 


End file.
